📜 The Scroll of the Great Shout

In the days of great confusion, when truth came in tweets and kings wore ties longer than their swords, there arose a curious tale from the Holy Land and beyond…

There lived a man called Bibi of House Netanyahu, long bearded in legacy, fierce of gaze, and armed with the ancient scroll of legalese. He ruled over the Tribe of Likudites, whose totems were microphones, security fences, and courtroom summons.

And lo, from across the oceans came a mighty roar, from the Tower of Gilded Mirrors, where dwelled the Oracle of Orange, known in foreign tongues as Donaldo the Unbending.

From his throne atop golden plumbing, Donaldo cried aloud:

"BIBI IS A WARRIOR! PERHAPS NO OTHER WARRIOR IN THE HISTORY OF ISRAEL! HE FOUGHT IRAN WITH ME, WE DESTROYED THE DARK MOUNTAIN OF URANIUM!"

The scribes gasped. The shepherds blinked. Even the camels paused mid-chew.

For had Donaldo not just placed Bibi above even the Great Ones? Above Moses, splitter of seas? Above David, slinger of stones? Above Yeshua himself, the humble carpenter who made peace, not deals?

📯 The Coronation of Chaos

And so, Donaldo summoned Bibi to the Temple of Truth Social, an invisible fortress guarded by bots and burning hashtags. There, before an assembly of zealots, merchants, and confused Midwestern uncles, Donaldo declared:

"BIBI SHALL BE SAVED BY ME, FOR I AM THE SAVIOUR OF SAVIOURS! THE TWEETER OF TRUTH! THE STRIKER OF DEALS! I SMOTE THE NUKES, AND NOW I SHALL SMITE THE LAWS!"

At this, a thunderous silence fell upon the earth, for many wondered if Donaldo now fancied himself greater than prophets, higher than laws, and shinier than even the Ark of the Covenant (which he once tried to golf next to, but it was closed for excavation).

⚖️ The Trials of the Warrior-King

Yet back in the holy courts of Israel, the scrolls of indictment were read thrice, and the scribes did not tremble. “The trial shall proceed,” they said, “for even warriors must face the Mirror of Truth.”

But Donaldo, undeterred, turned to the heavens and yelled:

"ONLY I CAN PARDON BIBI. EVEN IF I CAN’T, I PROBABLY CAN!"

He looked around.

"CAN SOMEONE GET ME A CROWN, A SCEPTER, AND A HASHTAG?"